Wrap Up Hero? The Up-C Interview

Please note: This interview article is a fictional piece for my creative writing degree. The members of the band did not say the words that are quoted here, they were made up for the sake of fulfiling the assessment objective criteria. However, I can confirm all events described in the ATP installment to be entirely true. There are photos to prove it. Anyway, enjoy...

A band fresh from signing their first record deal, Up-C Down-C Left-C Right-C ABC + Start hail from the Medway towns in Kent, an area more known for its teenage mothers and squaddies than purveyors of new music. Are they here to save rock n roll? Spearhead a new music revolution? They groan a collective "no". This three part interview finds out why.

Instalment # 1 Ranscombe Studios, Rochester

Listening to a DJ who will never play them, reading magazines who will never write about them (not until they're 'cool' enough, anyway) upcdownc are an odd bunch of sorts. To hear them, one would expect to be greeted by a collective of heavily bearded, po-faced 'artistés', but as I sit on the floor of the recording studio, waiting to commence an interview, I notice the football shirts, the red top dailies and the radio one breakfast show. These are just normal guys. A somewhat contradiction in terms to find 'normal' people be part of a scene which they describe as "full of beret-wearing self-important scenester tossbags that only seem interested in showing their faces at the right places and politely clapping when they think the song's finished. Which it isn't."

Nevertheless, here they are, at Ranscombe Studios in their home district of Medway, laying down material for an album. "It's taken us ages to get here," says Martin, one of the drummers (there are several), "contracts, redrafts, more redrafts, solicitors dragging their feet."

Under the watchful eye of their would-be-manager "We don’t actually have a manager, he's just a guy from the label" Chris, guitar. I note the frustration that comes with involving yourself with a record label. The commitment, the obligations, and the waiting, "All we seem to do is wait... we make some sort of effort to communicate and even that has to go through three different people. Communication is like some kind of strange art that these guys don't seem to have mastered." But looking on the bright side? "We are really grateful the label has chosen to back us, especially having been turned down by labels that we thought were a sure bet, like FatCat. Apparently our sound isn't very 'in' at the moment, and hasn't been for quite some time."

Buzzwords are mentioned, but with no real conviction: Chicago, Steve Albini, limited edition coloured vinyl, ATP. It's the stuff of dreams."

#2 All Tomorrow’s Parties Festival, Camber Sands

Dale, drummer, is stuck in a tree, and I'm trying to help him down before security spot us (too late!) Martin is performing his ceremonious dive down the slide in the empty children's playground, as he has done at the end of each night's entertainment, and the other band members are already back at the chalet, mixing cocktails, "We ran out of pineapple juice so we're using orange instead. Does that still make it a Pina Colada?" I don't know Jim, I don’t know.

Shreds of newspaper adorn the floor of chalet 264, collages of headlines stuck to the doors, carpet, windows and walls, "It's how we name our songs," explains Jim, who tries to read out the best one, almost choking himself (and everyone else) on his own fits of laughter, "Local Noddy wife sex swap recovery Monday drama: How the Fairview Community Infant School sex attack of Gatwick’s less than ½ price topless politicians stumble, putting mad unfriendly hardcore passion on yer wide snatch. Beeney hat pride. Drug Passion. Babe belief. Wrap up hero? Sex addicts DIE! Sonia!" Madness.

I realise this may not be a good time to continue our interview from the studio, and already start planning a third instalment. I ask the band how long it will be before they play the ATP Festival, "I’d love to be able to say spring 2005, but I won’t hold my breath," laments Chris, "we just take each day as it comes." "You cheesy bastard" retorts Jim.

I attempt to gather the band for some more questions, but half of them have disappeared to sledge down a staircase on an ironing board. It’s not quite TV-through-the-window, but that’s old hat now anyway. An hour later the crashes of grating metal cease. Where's the ironing board gone Jim? "It's on the roof."

# 3 Buffalo Bar, Islington

Having been the only band of the evening's line up to receive a whoop and applause for just their sound check, upcdownc are in good spirits to play tonight's gig. "We've played London dozens of times, but tonight we're playing with bands we actually appreciate. For four years now we've got London gigs by sending demos to venues. Despite this, we've nearly always been put on the bill supporting really poppy, radio-friendly, run of the mill rock bands. People turn up to the show, most to see the headliner, and they get us lot on first. Can you imagine it?" explains Martin. Sure, I can imagine it. I can imagine a bunch of 30-somethings a little worse for wear, stumbling into the Water Rats bar at Kings Cross expecting a night of inoffensive, VH1 rock headlined by American indie pop band The Blam. But the first band comes on stage, announced by their full name 'Up-C Down-C Left-C Right-C ABC + Start' and the puzzled looks start to cascade over the faces of the audience. They go on to perform a thirty minute set, consisting of just two songs, one which lasts twenty minutes and requires two drum kits, a percussion section, various guitars, a glockenspiel, a keyboard and a synthesiser. And no vocals. Absolutely none. With band members swapping instruments mid-song, their show was a slick demonstrations of the sheer guts and effort they put into what they do. How have the shows changed since then? Martin continues, "We've really stripped things down now for our live shows. Changing instruments during the song was a real thrill, but we didn’t want it to become a novelty. We’ve always had two drum kits, which the press always talk about as if it’s unique. It’s not, a lot of bands do it." Like Slipknot? "Yeah, I guess. Although they have one perfectly competent drummer and two monkeys bashing dustbins." Classic. "Anyway, it's not what you've got, it's what you do with it that counts." says Chris. "You cheesy bastard" retorts Jim.

How has stripping down the songs affected the type of music you play? "Well it's a lot less hard work for the audience to get into, I think it's more accessible now." Dare I utter the word sellout? "Utter what you like! We don't feel as though we've 'sold out' at all. We've never compromised our integrity for monetary gain. We've been able to find our feet and sound, instead of emulating what we listen to."

Ambitions for the band are somewhat unusual,"We know that the type of music we play won't fill a stadium or get to number one, but we'd love for our music to take us places. If we get to tour Japan, I'll die a happy man," Chirps Gary, "a 'big break' for us and bands like us would be a car commercial or something like that. You'd be amazed the number of bands who just take off through mediums like that. We don't really give a shit about 'whoring' ourselves out to corporate companies wanting to use our music as the backing track to a TV show or film. Gotta pay the bills somehow!"

And it's that realistic admission which convinces me this band will succeed. With clear heads when it comes down to business, they have their feet firmly on the ground where others would drift to a place where the sun never shines. And yet, with all the wild dreams of ambition, upcdownc know how to have fun and truly suck the marrow out of life.